Never Give Monkeys Liqour
by WaterSpriteGirl
Summary: Goku begs for some beer from Gojyo who reluctantly gives it to him. He finds out later what a mistake that is. For Sanzo is not happy about it. Rated M for language


I of course do not own Saiyuki and did not come up with the story. (Although I am thankful to Kazuya Minekura for doing so)

I wrote this story probably 2 or 3 years ago. Unbelievable it still makes me crack up and I've been meaning to put it up for a while along with lots of things plagueing my computer for a couple of years.

Please review and tell me what you think. Whether it's stupid or it gave a good laugh for at least one line. :D Enjoy!!

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**Never Give Monkeys Liquor**

"Hey Gojyo."

"What do you want, Monkey?"

"How come all you drink is beer?"

"Because it tastes good."

"Yeah. But why is it you always pass out after you drink a lot?"

"Because it makes me sleepy. Now go away and drink your banana juice like a good little monkey."

"STOP CALLING ME MONKEY, YOU WATER SPRITE!"

"DON'T YELL! I HAVE A HEADACHE AND WHATEVER HAPPENED TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH?!"

*BANG!*

"Would you two shut up. I'm at least trying to sleep. If I hear you two so much as raise your voices again, you'll have more than just Kougaiji's goons to worry about." said an angry Sanzo showing his gun as a warning.

Meanwhile, Gojyo & Goku are both cowering in a corner hugging each other.

"We're sorry," they said at the same time not bothering to hide the fear in their voices.

"That's what I thought," said Sanzo walking out of the room.

After he left, they looked at each other with disgust and quickly pulled away, each going to opposite sides of the room.

"Never touch me again. I don't want your smell rubbing off on me. It might scare away the ladies."

"Your smell would do that by itself."

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"

"You smell like beer & smokes. It's enough to make someone puke. Much less have sex with you. I don't get what women see in you."

"Man you're a headache. I need another drink."

"I want some, too."

". . . . . . No."

"How come?"

"You're too young."

"But you said yourself that you've been drinking since you were young."

"I don't care. You're not getting any."

"I'll get Sanzo in here. Then he'll probably shoot you."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh I would. And I will. Hey San. . ! " Gojyo quickly gags Goku with his dirty socks. (You can only imagine what that would taste like)

"Okay, okay. I'll give you some. God you're annoying."

"Yea. I win."

"Yeah, yeah. Here you go, you little shit," said Gojyo really mad now that he lost a can of reallygood alcohol. But he wouldn't let Goku go unpunished.

Goku took the can and sniffed it. He seemed almost disgusted by the smell but he wasn't about to deny himself the prize he won. So he took a sip of the warm liquid and he swished it around a little in his mouth. He almost spit it out but forced himself to swallow.

"Hey. That wasn't too bad. Now I get why you drink this stuff." With that Goku chugged down the whole can in one go. (He's gonna regret that in the morning) "Damn. That was good. Can I have ano. . . Whoa." All of a sudden, Goku started to sway a lot from side to side.

"What's wrong, Goku? Feeling a little topsy turvy?"

"No. I'm fine. Watch." Goku went to do flip but instead of flipping when he jumped,he just did a half somersault and landed on his head.

"Ah hahahahahaha. That's the best thing that's happened all week. Hahahaha." Eventually, Gojyo was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe.

"What are you laughing at?" asked Hakkai coming into the room to find Goku's feet sticking out of the floor. "Oh. I see. Heh heh. What did you give him this time?"

"Beer and another little something to boost the effects. No one takes one of my beers without punishment." he said grinning mischievously.

"What did you add?" asked Hakkai who is now scared.

"Oh. You"ll find out soon enough."

Goku finally pulled his head out of the floorboards with a groan. Then said very happily, "That was fun. Can I do that again?"

"No. I don't think you should because if Sanzo hears. . ."

*BANG*

"By now, I swear to God, I thought you would've learned how to shut up by now. But no. you still yell and . . . . WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"

"Sanzo. Before you start yelling and shooting at them, just watch for a while." said Hakkai trying to keep Sanzo from murdering his companions.

"Why? What's going on?" Just as he said that, Goku flung his Nyoi-Bo up in the air and smashed himself on the head.

"Oww. That'll hurt later. Wait. It hurts now."

"Very observant. That's probably the smartest thing you've said during this whole trip." said Gojyo suppressing an outburst of laughter. "You see, Sanzo? If you just sit here, he's bound to do something to cheer you up."

"Maybe. Or maybe I'll have to shoot both of you for giving me a migraine."

*Gojyo sweat drops*

After that, they turned to watch this evening's entertainment. Goku was still trying to twirl his Nyoi-Bo and always hitting himself. The chest, stomach, head (once again), and of course, the groin. Which resulted him in keeling over in pain. And the others clutching their sides in pain with laughter. But then Goku came to the realization.

"SANZO!! OH MY GOD! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER! I MISSED YOU! COME GIVE ME A HUG!" yelled Goku running towards Sanzo, his arms wide open.

He came and wrapped his arms around Sanzo with the dumbest grin on his face.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"What? A guy can't hug his best friend in the world?"

"NO. At least not me. Now get. . ." Sanzo felt something poking him in his side, and it wasn't his gun. "What the hell is that?"

Goku looked down to see what he was talking about and went a little red. Then got the most childish grin on his face.

"And why are you doing that exactly?" Sanzo asked getting angry again.

"It's because I love you!" yelled Goku now almost strangling Sanzo he was hugging him so hard.

"Well, sorry to break your little heart. But. . . I DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY. NOW GET OFF!!"

"But. But Sanzo." Goku whined with tears in his eyes. "You don't understand. You have to at least say something supportive. Or else. . . .WAAAHH!!!!"

"Oh. . . . my. . . .God." Sanzo's temple is now pulsing with rage. "You must be kidding. You're acting like you're a 10 year old."

"Yeah. And it's fucking hilarious, too." said Gojyo completely laughing his ass off.

"Gojyo. What was the extra thing you put in the drink?" asked Hakkai.

"I think the correct term is extra things."

Hakkai just sat there staring at him for a minute. "Things? What things?"

"Nothing much really. Just an extra kick of sugar for the energy and something I bought off of this guy on a corner a couple of towns back. What was his name again?"

"Are you crazy? If Sanzo finds out about that he's gonna kill you."

"Yeah. But it'll be worth it."

"What are you two talking about over there?"

"Umm. . . " Hakkai started to talk but Gojyo interrupted.

"Nothing."

"Well, if you aren't so busy, COME HELP GET THIS PRIMATE OFF OF ME!!"

"Okay." they said, knowing better than making Sanzo more enraged than he already is.

They went over and each grabbed a leg. They were pulling with all their might but the kid was strong. All of a sudden, Goku stopped struggling and went green. "Oh no. don't you dare." warned Sanzo.

But he did. Goku vomited all over Sanzo and his monk robes (including the scripture). Hakkai and Gojyo looked at each other and dropped Goku, who ended up face planting on Sanzo's lap which was absolutely covered in the vomit. Considering how much Goku can eat at once. . . you can only imagine what the mess is like.

"Now I feel a little better. But. . . . *sniff* What's that smell?"

"Ugh. Go to sleep." said Sanzo hitting Goku with his fan. "Stupid monkey."

"Well, that was fun. I'm going to sleep now." said Gojyo walking away.

"Hold it. I heard you say that you put stuff other than beer into him. What did you add?"

"Oh, a little of this, a little of that."

"What was it, Gojyo?" Sanzo's temple was now pulsing uncontrollably.

"Lotsa sugar for energy and something that I don't even know the name of." said Gojyo wanting to run but not having a chance.

Sanzo stood up, stuff dripping off his robes. He walked up to Gojyo and looked at him.

"YOU BAKA!!" he yelled smacking him even harder than he did Goku. So of course, Gojyo is now out cold. "And I don't even wanna know how you got that shit. Hakkai."

"Yes, Sanzo."

"You can wash my robes. . . by hand."

*Sweatdrop* "Oh man. How do I always get dragged into these things?"

The Next Day

"Ow. My head hurts. It feels like a boulder fell on it. And I'm hungry"

"It's either the hangover, the multiple times you hit yourself with your Nyoi-Bo, or when Sanzo knocked you out." said Gojyo going to drink some coffee.

"I need a drink. I'm thirsty, too." said Goku grabbing Gojyo's thermos and chugging it. "Aah. That hits the spot."

10 Minutes Later

"Javajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajava"

"I'm never giving you anything to drink again."

"I think that's a good idea, Gojyo." smiled Hakkai

*BANG*

"SIT DOWN GOKU!!"


End file.
